if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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