I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize