Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
