yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Enjoy the penises
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
