i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
