Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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