i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
