It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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