my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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