she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
