Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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