Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
