he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
