I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
