I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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