why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
