i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
