I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
