Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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