hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
