I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
