Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
