well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
