Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
