why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
