Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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