dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
