you guys were way drunker than both of me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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