I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
