That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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