No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
