doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
