I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
