Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize