ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
