he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
