Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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