you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
