The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
