dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
