Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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