I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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