I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
