Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
