I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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