so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
