Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
