It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
