Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
