Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
