Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you win again, gameday.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
