After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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