His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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