So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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