3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
