i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
