similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my shit smells like andre
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
