shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
