Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
