I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
