take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
