you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
