pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
