were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
