You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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